If you ever look like you’ve just been hanging out with the lions at feasting time after drinking wine, such is the extent of your red-stained lips, tongue and teeth, you might like to read on. It’s an annoyance at the best of times, but for some of us it can prove especially costly when trying to negotiate our way past that surly bouncer, a blatant giveaway to our concealed inebriation.
As you jealously look on at others and wonder why they don’t also resemble the cast of Interview with the Vampire, it’s not because you’ve been drinking cheap plonk. Your teeth are covered with a thin layer of wine-coloured saliva. You see teeth are porous, made up of thousands of tiny little lines called dentin tubules, which run from the nerve to the surface of the enamel. Some people’s enamel is weaker and more porous – blame genetics and possibly your dental hygiene as a young brat. The red wine becomes lodged in these tube-like structures that no amount of water or brushing will remove.
The solution? I find swirling some white wine around your mouth does the trick – in my heady days as a grape-picker in France all the soap and water in the world would not remove the stubborn red grape stains on our hands at the end of each day. However once we moved on to picking white grapes the juice acted to cause it to disappear instantly. You’ll be surprised that the same works here – all evidence of red wine consumption is destroyed. Now try to act sober.